Rant-omage

I already have a blog. Why do I need another one? Well, that one's a poker blog, part of a large network of poker blogs, and my attempt to track becoming better (I hope) at the craze that has become poker. But I still need a place to vent random shite, and blog random shite. I find it therapeautic (sp?), and I'm all in favor of some therapy lately.

SOOOOOO. What's on my mind?

Basically what's on my mind is Off-Tryon. Off-Tryon Theatre Company is my theatre company. I pretty much mean that literally, since I was a co-founder of the company five years ago, I'm the managing director, and I've put my life on hold essentially for five years to run this company. So now I'm not sure that I have the energy to keep it going.

Five years is a long time in the life of a struggling theatre group, and trust me, we've struggled. There have been times in the evolution of this company that I've started at every loud truck noise coming down my street, just sure that it was a tow truck coming to repo my car. I've been sent to collections for my mortgage, almost defaulted on my student loans, dropped out of grad school because I couldn't afford to go to school and run a theatre (financially or mentally), and had huge fights with my wife about why the fuck we continue to do it.

But then we hit one out of the park, and we remember why we do it. We've done some incredible theatre, some stuff I'm really proud of. Our production of Corpus Christi is still my favorite experience in 16 years of theatre. Our production of Never the Sinner was named Best Drama by the local arts paper, and our production of Sylvia was named Best Comedy by a jury of our peers in the Metrolina Theatre Association. There are actors getting paid work and better roles because we took a chance on them when they were unknowns. There's a decent, if struggling, independent theatre scene in Charlotte that didn't exist to this degree when we started up, and there are now more warehouse theatres than used to exist.

So I know we've done some good. But it hasn't gotten any easier. If anything, it's gotten harder. As I've gotten more responsibility at work I've had less time to spend during the workday on Off-Tryon business, so some things like publicity don't get done in as timely a fashion, and we can't get any consistent volunteer help to work on these things. And we don't have the cash to pay for someone to do them. And without publicity, there are no asses in seats. Which means no revenue, which means no money for publicity. Vicious cycle. And now we've closed down our own facility and moved in with another group of a similar type, which is working out fairly well so far, except now there's two groups' shite in a building that can't really hold one group's shite. But we've cut overhead by about 35-40% by sharing space, which is the only way both companies have survived this long.

And now I'm trying to cast the show to kick off our 2005-2006 season, which is a great lineup. We start with God's Country, a play about the white supremacist group The Order. Then we do Glenn's new play Intimate E-pistles, which Julie is directing. Then we do The Maids and My Sister in this House as a double bill. Then Six Characters in Search of an Author and close with The Shape of Things. That is, if we can cast the first show!

I need 11 actors and a kid. So far, I've had about 6 people that I've offered parts to have scheduling conflicts, two read the play and hated it, one got injured and can't do the show, and ONE, and actor that I've cast in a bunch of things over the years, accepted the part (reluctantly, although he never expressed that reluctanct to me) and then dropped out when he was offered a leading role in a different show. So I'm discouraged by the trouble in casting, and feel actually really betrayed by this other actor for taking the part and dropping out. I certainly would have understod if I'd known he was interested in the other show, but without any notice to drop out, I was furious. Now I'm just hurt.

I really start to wonder - is it me? Is it our company? I don't know what the reputation of the company is with actors, but we don't have critics constantly blowing sunshine up our bungholes like some other folks in town do. Our stuff is sometimes hit or miss, but any independent theatre is going to be! So I'm workng on casting the show, but damn, this shit of working all the time on shows gets old. Especially when you feel like you're expected to work on all the shows, and make sure that they're all great, but if it's one of your shows, you feel left out in the wind, twisting.

I'm just ranting, I think. I'm at least 65% sure that I'm not yet ready to walk away. But some things have to change, because I'm burned out. I don't have another five years like this in me.